Beauty

As I walk along the streets in Seoul, I am confronted with an endless parade of advertisements for plastic surgery procedures and clinics. The procedures range from simple eye lifts and unnecessary toe shortening/lengthening to complex jawbone shaving (to narrow/alter the shape of your face) and cheekbone remodeling. Often the ads cover an entire wall, from floor to ceiling, and the faces  of the patients are never obscured to hide/protect their identities. Amongst Koreans, a common greeting, along with "Have you eaten?" is "You've gotten prettier."

As much as this may seem appalling to most Americans, and to me still, I have started to think about why and how Koreans have become so obsessed with their appearance. It's common to see Asians in the US clad head to toe in apparel covered in name-brand logos and most luxury brand stores are now staffed with people who can speak Chinese and/or Korean. This is also a new phenomenon for me as well. Of course, when I was growing up, I didn't know many (hardly any) Asian families but the impression that I had as a child was that Asians were laboring, simple (often poor) and struggling immigrants. So what happened? Now the (very skewed) stereotype of Asians is that of a spoiled/privileged full-tuition paying, technology obsessed youth joyriding in fancy cars and binge-shopping to their hearts' content.

The super rapid development of the economies of many Asian nations have left many families whose parents struggled to feed their families in the past with vast sums of money. I don't think it's unlike the lottery effect - that stereotype of the backward hillbilly who wins the lottery, moves to a mansion and buys fancy things but obviously is still a hillbilly. I wonder if development can occur too rapidly? Should it be paced so that sociological norms and expectations have time to adjust to the changes in resources and priorities? Of course, anyone would be hard-pressed to argue that a country should remain in poverty or slow the progression of its country'e development. It does give me pause, however, when I see so many well-schooled but severely poorly-educated people with vast sums of money who then can purchase power and influence that then shape the nation.  I supposed in the United States and England, where people can tout pedigree as a sign of one's social class, the newer societies in Korea and China are clamoring for a way to stratify and distinguish oneself from others. In a culture that was most recently defined by competition/struggle for survival, the need to "win" over others in order to survive (for food and other basic resources) has been transferred to social climbing through displays of beauty and wealth. This is all conjecture of course...but as always, these are the things running through my mind.

Perhaps in a few generations everything will equalize and stabilize but I worry that the objectives and definition of success and the path to it is already being inappropriately and narrowly defined. As we all know, life is NOT fair and a catalyst is often needed to inspire and foment change.  Until then, I'm pretty satisfied to stick to my guns and walk around being "fat" and "ugly" in Asia (mostly because I only have to visit for short periods of time).

Hoarding

I just watched an episode of Hoarders on A&E and the hoarder on this episode was a very clean-cut stepford-ish middle-aged white woman who lives in a large colonial house. At first, I was aghast and shocked by the apparent incongruity from her public facade and her real 'internal' (literal and figurative) mental instability. The piles...no, heaps...no, mountains of STUFF in her home was suffocating, even for me. She seemed to justify the necessity for all of the items, from empty cardboard boxes to a "collection" of beads for a jewelry business or hobby that never took off.

Just as I was in the throes of judging this woman's mess and blindness to the severity of her condition I realized that there were several items missing from the guest room where I have been staying in my parents' home and was thrown into a mild panic. I readily admit that I own too many things. Perhaps I'm a Grade 1 or 2 hoarder (5 being the worst case folks that appear on TV).  Of course, when I was packing for my stay at their house, I purposely packed only one small bag...but even the few items I brought with me have already started to "disappear."

It made me wonder if part of my hoarding tendency stems from growing up in my mother's home where she threw away absolutely whatever she wanted, regardless of what the item was or to whom it belonged. I remember going to the municipal dumpster to dig through piles of garages to look for a retainer (in its case) that my mother had thrown away, coming home to find that she had thrown away my entire science project because it "cluttered my desk" and the numerous times meaningful keepsakes, often gifts from friends, and sometimes entire sections of my wardrobe have been gifted or donated to people without my knowledge and certainly without my consent.

In recent years, I have started to pare down my possessions to just the essentials. This process has certainly been more difficult and drawn out that I had imagined it would be. It has, however, been very cathartic to simplify my home and my life in this way. But coming back into my mother's home or even letter her into mine still throws me back into episodes of anxiety. Even today, when I had discovered that my mother had thrown away my toothbrush, my agenda ("It was full writing. Buy a new one.") I was back to being 15, paralyzingly insecure and unable to express my frustration.

Logically, she's right. Things are just things but the loss/lack of control in your own life is immensely unsettling and rapt with anxiety. Things ARE just things but they often represent memories, an intention and mostly may be a public display of how we live our lives. So when people start throwing things away, it seems to signify that parts of our lives are meaningless or unimportant.

Of course, when I see the people on episodes of Hoarders, it is often hard to commiserate or sympathize with their need for thousands of creepy stuffed animals or piles of out of date newspapers but overall, I just feel sad for them. Obviously they use these possessions to protect themselves from whatever has given them fear in their lives. Wait...so does that mean that I'm afraid of my own mother? Oh, this is opening a giant can of Freudian worms and I'd rather keep buried under a giant stack of expired newspapers...

The Great (cultural) Divide

Today, I'm back in Asia and once again facing the cultural differences between the culture and social norms in East Asia and in the US. I wonder how my perspective on/experience with this cultural gap may be different if I wasn't an Asian woman?

You see, I spent the past two years in Korea as a middle-aged graduate student. During this time, I faced a lot of difficult but interesting (and ultimately educational) challenges during my time here.  I'll share some of those misadventures at a later time...

Back to today's musing. After expressing some of my frustration with my apparent inability to fully integrate into the society here, my parents offered me some...interesting advice. I need to change who I am. If I try hard enough, you can make anyone and everyone accept you.

I would have to disagree. I don't think you can nor should behave differently just so others accept you because if you're not being true to who you are, are those people really accepting YOU?  And some people are just not able or ready to accept differences in others. In the midst of this discussion with my parents, the US Open Tennis tournament was playing on TV and Serena Williams was battling it out with some skinny white girl (sorry, I didn't take note of your name...oops.) Anyway, I thought of that other tournament she played in California where the entire crowd was booing her the entire time and someone also was shouting the N-word throughout the match. She plowed through and won but never returned to that tournament again. Even during other tournaments, some critics have made disparaging comments about her "unprofessional/unladylike" behavior, attire, etc. I think she (and her sister, Venus) was just being herself, a strong black woman, and in doing so changed the face of tennis.

Anyway, my point is, there are just some people who are not willing or able to accept differences in others - whether that be a difference in race, sexual orientation, nationality, religion, creed, political affiliation, or a mere difference in perspective. I can certainly try to inform and explain myself to others but change who I am to make other people feel more comfortable with me? I dunno. I have serious reservations about doing this and certainly doubt its efficacy.

I've come to terms with the fact that I'm just not as demure, shy, nor prim as a good Asian lady should be. While I certainly don't want to be an overtly offensive person, I don't think being an assertive and proud woman unwilling to compromise my ethical standards is a bad thing. I can understand that people and cultures operate differently but I don't think I need to adopt those standards (or lack thereof) myself. I mean, there is a way to bridge that gap without losing yourself, isn't there?

Introducing...

...this blog!

I'll using this blog to post ideas, rants, musing, pictures, issues that I find interesting each day. Comments, questions, feedback and topic suggestions are welcome!